“Deep down in my being I am already what I seek. This is the impetus of my whole search. When consciousness is here, I realize that consciousness is me. I and all that surrounds me are the same consciousness. My true nature is consciousness.”
Jeanne de Salzmann
After having recognized that “my true nature is consciousness,” and that it is always present when I wish to return to it, going away in the form of identification seems not really a problem and can even be enjoyable. While I know the wish to be present, in those periods of absence, perhaps I wished to go away as well. Though such a choice was probably not recorded in memory, it is still a possibility.
“It may be that the satisfaction I need depends on my going away, so that when I’ve gone and come back, I’ll find it at home.”
Rumi
I often decide to leave my physical home for trips, to nature or to visit loving friends. If “ … consciousness is me,” and “I and all that surrounds me are the same consciousness,” whether the ‘going away’ is a lawful deviation or a conscious choice is irrelevant. It is what had to happen, or, we could say, ‘it is God’s Will.’
So, it could not be a mistake, an error, or a failing. I have gone away. The only intelligent next step is to return, and celebrate it.
Really good vacations end just as I begin wishing I was home. Upon arriving home, I am struck and distinctly aware of the warmth, comfort and peace of being home. After a few hours, the direct awareness of being home fades but the warmth, comfort and peace remain without thinking ‘I am home.’
Similarly, when I have been away in identification, often there is first recognition of something missing, then a wish to return, to what, I may not be sure. As attention returns to Being, Awareness, there is often a strong experience of being home. Soon, the recognition of Being may become like the loving surroundings of my house, always present but not predominant in attention.
Perhaps, with practice and familiarity, I don’t need to leave my home of awareness to visit other domains. Deep thinking, even daydreams and intense emotions potentially can arise within the walls of awareness. Here the metaphor of the house breaks down. So, I may become like the tortoise, remaining within my home in all circumstances.
Then, wherever I am, physically and psychically, I am always Home and know that I have always been Home.
“When we know our true ‘I,’ something emerges from the depths of being and takes over. It is behind the mind. It is infinite, divine, eternal. We call it the soul.”
Jeanne de Salzmann
James Evans & By The Way Books 